I love Facebook on Father's Day. It's all lovey dovey thanks for being the best Father ever and thank you husband for always running when the baby cried. I call shenanigans! Endless griping followed up by father of the year posts just isn't true. You don't need to paint a rosy picture. Tell it like it is.
To my father:
Thank you for still going through the drive thru at McDonalds to buy me french fries after I puked on you while sitting on your shoulders in line inside. It took me years to not cringe at this story because I felt bad for still demanding fries after puking. I thought it made me a brat but now that I have kids I understand that it just made me your average two year old.
I also apologize for squeezing that cool glass thing that bubbled up liquid when you held it too hard and then hiding it under a giant pile of printer paper when it broke. I don't know why I was scared to tell you but at the time it felt like a giant issue.
Thank you for supporting me when my first marriage broke up and telling me that I needed to do what was right for me. It was a really hard decision and your opinion was one of my biggest concerns.
Thank you for spoiling the crap out of my kids. I love that they've come to equate you with allowance. One less thing for me to do.
Thank you for letting us leave the kids with you this weekend so that we could go away. The time was desperately needed, as was the sleep (of which I know you're not getting any).
And the only non-thank you...... seriously, they didn't realize the play phone made noise. Did you have to replace the batteries on it when they visited?
To My Father-in-Law:
Thank you for raising my husband to be an amazing man.
Thank you for not judging me when I was going stir crazy on bed rest. Thank you for instead saying, "You want to go out for brunch and go baby shopping? Sitting in a chair is like bed rest right?"
Thank you for always doing the dishes when I cook and making sure our yard looks presentable since we really could care less.
And thank you for buying the girls noisy toys and buying my son knock knock joke books. You knew it would drive me crazy and you did it anyways. Then you shrugged your shoulders and said "That's what grandpa's do." And the kids love you for it.
To My Husband:
Thank you for getting up with the 1 year old every morning so that I can sleep. I've had some health issues and the ability to sleep the extra hour every morning really makes a difference in how my day goes.
Thank you for allowing my then 3 year old son to enter your life with no questions and showing absolutely no difference in love for him and the two daughters we had later. He thinks the world of you and although I am not impressed by the farting and belching that you have taught him I appreciate your willingness to teach.
I love that our daughter wanted to be you for Halloween and shares the same salty demeanor in the morning pre-juice that you do pre-coffee.
Thank you for randomly smacking my ass and making lewd comments. I've pushed out three babies and I like to feel wanted in an "authentic" not because I have to romantic way.
Thank you for your creative baby-proofing. Not every man knows how to paracord cabinets shut after the baby figures out child locks. And I'm sure you'll find a solution for the stool/door thing soon.
You also really like to let the kids dress themselves. This sometimes peeves me when I am the one heading out with them and they are half in ski gear, half in snorkel outfits. However, it does result in some great photo ops and it makes me laugh.
And of course you may lead the kids into questionable directions nutritionally but you're teaching them life skills right?
In the end one of the reasons I love you the most is how much like my own father you are. You are fiercely protective of your daughters, you have a strange sense of humor, you are a bit of a nerd, and you love your wife. And this Father's Day I love you both. Not only the things you do right but for all of the funny things you've taught me over the years by not following the path of least resistance.