I thought I heard my four year old yelling over the sound of the baby crying in his car seat. Yelling that I'd be there in one minute I started running the water to warm it for a bottle. We'd been stuck in the car waiting to turn onto our road for more than 15 minutes due to road work and I'd been questioning my morning timing- maybe if I hadn't stopped for a latte, maybe if we hadn't brought food by the station for my husband, maybe if I had gone the back way I wouldn't be dealing with this. The baby was cranky and hungry. The four year old had been pale and quiet and immediately took off into the bathroom when we got home.
Walking into the bathroom I saw her puking off to the side of the toilet on the floor. And I laughed. I asked her if she was ok and I laughed. I handed her the trash can to puke into and I laughed. I put her hair up on top of her head and I laughed. The room filled with the smell of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I laughed. I laughed because four kids in sometimes you just have to look on the positive side of things.
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| Poor kiddo. While puking she was yelling "Take my picture" because she wanted to show her big sister that she had "throwed up" when she got home from school. |
Thank God this didn't happen five minutes earlier while we were trapped in the car waiting for a TXDOT worker to spin the sign from STOP to SLOW. Forget questioning the morning- our timing had been perfect for this. If we had gotten home earlier she would have been off in the playroom somewhere puking when the urge hit. Instead she was in the bathroom and cleanup was as easy as it could be for vomit. (I have a strong gag reflex for smells and cleaning up puke is always touch and go as the chance that I may puke also is ever present.)
I ran back to the kitchen, got the baby his bottle and started thinking. I didn't used to be this way. I always had trouble seeing the positive in things. I was easily irritated with people, frustrated and quick to drop a big sigh and think "Ugh it's one of those days." And I can't exactly pinpoint the change that took place or when but I became one of those people who gets cut off and thinks "They probably have a lot on their mind,", smiles at people because everyone needs some positivity and instead of yelling at the kids immediately tries to find the reason behind things (apparently the crayon all over the floor in the front hall was because my 4 year old thought that if she drew a treasure map that treasure would appear near the x).
While I can't pinpoint exactly when I made the change I know that it was inspired by someone in my life from years ago who no matter what thought that the world was against them. A canceled dinner meant that friends were probably plotting to get together without them instead, a quick question text was analyzed to the point of reading in subtext that never existed, and work issues were struggles. Everything and anything was an example of how difficult it was to be them. I remember thinking to myself "Man that is no way to live" and I started to see things differently. Some days I have trouble recognizing the overly positive person I've become from my younger self but I am so glad that it happened. I still have bad days, there is still injustice in the world but my own personal framework allows me to process everything better.
I reentered the bathroom. She was sitting on the toilet clutching the trash can. "I done throwing up. I feel better now." She immediately blossomed back into her chatty self. I gave her a hug and vowed never to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch again.
